I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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