His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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