He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize