apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize