its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
