I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
