if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
