we made out on top of his cat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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