The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
