I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
