once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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