Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
