I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How does one acquire holy water?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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