Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
