this beer tastes like vomit already
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
