we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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