We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
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