Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
