Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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