Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
why is half of my head shaved?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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