I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
True strength comes from lack of pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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