I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
