Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
