So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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