I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
