I feel great
I just peed on a car
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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