i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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