Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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