That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Four minutes until I can fart!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You're like the curious george of whores
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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