Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
