ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
