I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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