So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
