i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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