Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
