Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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