at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
