Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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