sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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