I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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