I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
