Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
