I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
