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I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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