Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
