Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
