At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
