You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
