Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
