Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
