Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So squirting runs in the family.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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