this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
