sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
