Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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