dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
