i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
