Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
