just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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