5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
