Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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