I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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