Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
