ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
