Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
