I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
