Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't think brook has ever known best
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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