i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
