Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Randomize
