Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
