Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
