U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
