Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
