I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're a waste of cheezeits
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
