Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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