just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
