guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
