we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
