I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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