tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
